Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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