I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?