I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
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I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?