Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.