I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies