And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
