Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
