i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
