He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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