this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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