you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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