I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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