once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
