I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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