I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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