Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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