we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
