my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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