fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
