A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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