I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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