jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize