the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
