eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I did not marry a roomba.
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