so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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