1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
