I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
