i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
