Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
