I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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