We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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