What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
