help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
