no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
