i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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