A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
