So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
