and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
