she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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