So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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