Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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