I hate your face
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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