OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
