You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
