Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We smell like vodka and hangover
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