While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
