singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize