I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
