i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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