the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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