My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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