I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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