dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
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what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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