How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
