BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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