I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
