a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
