Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
