I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we're so committed to being not committed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
