Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
