my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
