i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
