I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
