I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
