my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
