They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
