is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
