I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
