Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
