weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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