tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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