if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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