When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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