There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
