someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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