For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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