was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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