my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
