I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
