So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
